Perfectionism is not the pursuit of excellence. Perfectionists do not get genuine pleasure from striving to meet high standards. And, perfectionism is not healthy.
Perfectionists’ standards are so high they go beyond reach and are not reasonable. They set impossible goals for themselves. Their drive to excel is self-defeating.
Research has shown that perfectionists are vulnerable to some serious mood disorders. They tend to suffer from depression, performance anxiety, text anxiety, social anxiety, writer’s block, and obsessive-compulsive illness. They respond to perceived failure or inadequacy with a loss of self-esteem that can trigger severe depression and anxiety.
Many perfectionists are plagued by loneliness and disrupted personal relationships. This is common because they fear and anticipate rejection. Perfectionists are convinced they will be judged to be imperfect and this will automatically result in rejection. They believe others standards are as excessively high as their own. Because of this anticipation, they tend to react defensively to criticism which causes others frustration and alienation. So, perfectionists bring on the anticipated outcome by their own actions. This reinforces the irrational belief that they must be perfect to be accepted.
Disclosure phobia is also common among perfectionists. This resistance to sharing inner thoughts and feelings keeps others at an emotional distance. And their tendency to apply excessively high standards to others often leads to disappointment in others.
I suggest you complete and score the informal Perfectionism Quiz on my website: TheLovingPath.org so you’ll have some idea of how perfectionist you tend to be.
Next week, we’ll discuss the three mental distortions perfectionists commonly exhibit that are nonproductive for effectively dealing with living.
Copyright 2011 Lynn Borenius Brown
OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com
OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com
I used to think for many years that being a perfectionist was something to aspire to. I was one. or at least my aspiration caused all those experiences that you mention here. I look at life as a work in progress.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Your thoughts are always appreciated. I believe few of us are taught how to live in the middle; between lack of desire to accomplish and the need to be perfect. This centered place feels nebulous to most people so they choose to work toward attaining perfection. How much better it would be if everyone would allow themselves to be striving, flawed individuals!
ReplyDeleteOmGosh, this is such a meaningful teaching topic to me. In my retail mgmt days, I too saw nothing wrong with that way of behaving. I learned it in my domestication and thought it noble to aspire to. Every time I took one of the learning "surveys," I was probably shooting myself in the foot. And I did it blatently, encouraging others to have a similar as I sold it--"work ethic."
ReplyDeleteThe "line" where the pursuit of excellence becomes the pursuit of perfection seems to be where we lose the joy and satisfaction of the process of the pursuit. When our sense of personal value is in jeopardy, we have crossed that dangerous line into the pursuit of perfection.
ReplyDeleteIn my life I notice the pursuit of perfection can be paralyzing. I think it is hard for people to realize. I watched a tv show regarding a lady who called herself a perfectionist--and her personal stuff in her house was a pucking mess and it seemed like--well that doesn't make sense, she is calling herself a perfectionist. I think the paralyzing part is that if one can not do it perfect--then not at all? That must be where the disconnect is?
ReplyDeleteExactly! And, that is one of the primary issues with perfectionism. Great insight!!
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