To communicate is to give and receive information. It is always an interchange – meaning, it is passage from one to another. This interchange implies that the receiver acquires an understanding of what was sent so there is a sharing.
Using this definition of communicating, we discover that more often than not, while we have said something to another person and they physically heard it, there is no guarantee that what transpired could be called communication. After all, just because someone heard what you said doesn’t mean they know what you said. And since all human beings want to be understood, it is a good idea to spend a bit of time addressing the topic of communication.
We’ll start by discussing the four aspects of communication:
Expressing is the verbalization the individual makes which starts the communication process. It is a verbalization that expresses an idea or concept that the individual wishes to share with another person. Getting out the message.
Listening is what the receiver does in order to start his/her part of the communication. Listening is the first important link in the communication process. Hearing the message.
Understanding is what the listener has to have accomplished in order for the communication process to continue forward. Both the sender and the receiver must be patient and allow for understanding to occur before the process may proceed forward. Understanding is knowing what the sender was expressing. Understanding the message.
Feedback is a verbalization by the receiver which pertains to what was expressed that moves the communication forward. It is not expressing. That comes after feedback. Moving the communication forward.
Unfortunately what usually occurs is that someone expresses and while that person is expressing, the receiver, instead of listening, is planning their reply. As a result there is little chance that the receiver will actually understand what the person expressing is attempting to communicate. Most conversations are a series of individuals expressing – a dueling monologue of sorts.
So, take time this week to notice where within the four aspects of communication most of your conversations break down. Are you merely hearing the other person talking but not paying attention to what is being said (not listening)? Are you listening but not taking the time to make sure you understand what is being expressed? Are you understanding but not providing feedback before replying with your own ideas? And, where are you finding the break down in communication with those you are attempting to communicate?
Once you become aware of the path each communication needs to take, you’ll become better at this skill.
Copyright 2011 Lynn Borenius Brown
OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com
OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com
A great teaching topic for sure. I am finding that many of us believe that we are better communicators than we actually are.
ReplyDeleteI may have misunderstood the part of feedback--thinking it was my thoughts about what about what is communicated, with a sprinkling of their words--for the appearance of understanding. Forgetting that my understanding may not be what was expressed.
Now I realize that a perentage of my communiations (especially in work situations) are frustrating and leave me so disappointed because I never receive the feedback leaving me feel as though I have not been heard.
I for sure do not understand why it is so important for me to be "heard."
Thank you for your comment.
ReplyDeleteGenerally, feedback is thought of as the response to something that was said. However, technically, it is necessary to know to what one is going to be responding and so feedback is required. But, this rarely happens in conversation. Usually, feedback is addressed only after it becomes clear that there has been a misunderstanding and even at these times it is often overlooked.
So, teaching communication this way helps to make us aware of the significance of needing to make sure we know what was being expressed before we share our response.
Your desire to be heard (to be understood) is universal. It is one of our basic needs. So, you are not alone in your disappointment.
To make your communication more satisfying, when communicating be sure to have an attitude of "we are on the same side" so when the listener is not understanding, you will assist them by restating what you just said, perhaps using slightly different words, so s/he will have another opportunity to understand. And when listening, briefly restate what the person expressed before sharing your response. These two actions will make a difference in your life!
Great post!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of an exercise I took part in some years ago on a training course for Customer Service Managers.
It is always a task to think of what to write for my blog. Researching always helps. What you have written here has sparked off the title subject for my own take on the subject of communication.
Thank you.
Marty - so glad I could be of assistance! To me, any talk of communication is wonderful since even at its best, it can be precarious. And, thank you for commenting.
ReplyDeleteI am revisiting this post and wondering if I am able to begin communication with certain people "as if we are on the same side." After frequent communications that have not supported this theory--how does one begin? Just do it--I guess.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the idea of wanting to communicate with someone always implies that I am interested in hearing what the other person has to say and that we are, inherently, desiring a mutual outcome. So, to verbally act on this is a good start - to show that we are on the same side. I think this is a necessary attitude irrespective of how many times the outcome has not been good. After all, if I am attempting to communicate rather than not, there is an implied contract of mutual involvement and a hope that this time the outcome will be beneficial to both of us.
ReplyDeleteMakes sense. Thanks so much!
ReplyDeleteWhat an Awesome post. Just wanted to drop a comment and say I am new to your blog and really like what I am reading. Thanks for the share.
ReplyDelete