Self-Growth

Building positive self-esteem is a good way to work toward self-growth.  This is done by placing an increased emphasis on your attributes and a decreased emphasis on your weaknesses.

We are much too quick to notice our faults and too slow to give ourselves credit for, and acknowledge, our strengths.  By doing so we begin convincing ourselves we are not worthy of the time and effort it takes to make the new habits and attitudes a permanent part of our lives.  Now is the time to reverse this and start growing and loving yourself as you should.  It will take daily practice.  This is because of our tendency to have made negativism a habit.  Begin making your strengths what you always notice about yourself.  Doing so will help you believe you are worthy of continuing working toward the new habit and attitude goals you have set for yourself.

Complete the exercise shown below.

Building My Positive Self-Esteem

Write down at least seven things that are good about you.

 For the next seven days, follow the instructions for the following section of the exercise.  Then continue doing it on your own.  It will help you get in the habit of noticing your attributes and can lead you to feeling better about yourself.



Day________________________

This is a positive statement about myself:

This is where I will post it so I will see it several times each day:

This is my initial reaction to the positive statement:

This is my assertive response that will help me feel better about myself:

Then, take the next step:

Start reversing your negative self-concept by practicing a principle used in advertising and propaganda campaigns.  Repetition. 

Repetition of a message drives it home unconsciously so it becomes a subjective truth of your belief system.  To reverse negative self-statements, repeat and rehearse the opposites of your negative sentences.  Reverse at least twelve negative statements.

Negative statement:_____________________________________

Positive statement:_____________________________________



Practice these positive alternatives as often as possible.  Repetition builds strength!



Copyright 2011 Lynn Borenius Brown


OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com

Self-Awareness

You have three selves:  public, actual, and ideal.  All of these interact to help you make decisions, with any one of the selves taking priority during different situations.  Problems arise when the discrepancy between any of the selves is too great.  It is difficult to know “who” you are if the selves aren’t at least somewhat compatible.  So, to get to know yourself better you will be describing each self (public, actual, and ideal), determining how they are different from each other and the stress that causes and then deciding how you can go about bringing these selves together.  By doing this, you will understand why you have, at times, had inner conflicts regarding decisions, perceptions, and behaviors.  And with this knowledge, you can begin working toward being one self that is at peace with him/herself. 


Complete the following SELF-AWARENESS exercise.

My Selves

List 10 to 12 words or phrases that describe your public self (the “you” others see).

List 10 to 12 words or phrases that describe your actual self (your personal opinion).

In what ways do your public and actual selves differ?

In what ways does this cause you stress?


List 10 to 12 words or phrases that describe your ideal self (who you would like to be).

In what ways do your actual and ideal selves differ?

In what ways does this cause you stress?
 
After answering these questions, take some time to think about how you could go about bringing these selves together and write down your answer.



Now, how will you go about bringing your selves together?  (Changing some of your self-imposed demands, unrealistic expectations, irrational beliefs, becoming more assertive, etc.)



Copyright 2011 Lynn Borenius Brown


OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com

Achieving Psychological Wellness, Part 3

Here are the last six factors that can increase psychological wellness.

Touch.  Touch people. Touch animals.  The only way to be sure someone or something exists is to touch it.  Research has shown that infants who do not get held have a higher mortality rate than those who get touched.  And this need never ends.  Just because you no longer are a baby doesn’t mean your need for touching has diminished.  Studies have also shown that when we pet dogs and cats, our blood pressure goes down.  Touching is imperative for wellness.  So, give and/or get three hugs a day.  And don’t hesitate to lightly touch someone’s shoulder when conversing.

Develop an intimate relationship with another person or at least be open to the option.  Caring for someone and allowing yourself to be vulnerable with the person brings more facets of who you are to the surface and more joy than can be described.



Have access to someone who will listen and not try to give advice.  We each need someone who will let us talk and talk and ramble until we come to terms with what is happening and then begin to work through it.



Spend time with people who enhance you, who bring out all that is good in you.  Don’t waste your time with those who drain and deplete you.  You are influenced by those with whom you spend time and listen to.  There are enough people in the world for you to find a few who are good for you.  You do take on the attitude of those with whom you spend time.



Take time for recreation.  Recreation involves re-creating, recharging.  When you relax and engage in activities you enjoy, you are not wasting time.  You need a balance of work and recreation for stability and mental wellness.



Free yourself from all addictions.  Stop smoking.  Don’t take recreational drugs.  Cut down on refined sugar, milk chocolate, salt, etc.  Addictions limit your freedom of choice.  And to be at peace with yourself, you must be a free agent.



Copyright 2011 Lynn Borenius Brown


OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com

Achieving Psychological Wellness, Part 2

Here are six more factors that can increase psychological wellness.



Make time daily when no one demands anything of you.  Make room for time when no one needs or pulls at you.  It is important to begin feeling comfortable with being alone.  Most of us are not accustomed to silence and believe that being alone means being lonely.  But actually, we need time alone to listen to ourselves.  Sometimes it takes silence for our inner voice to be heard.  Time to ourselves helps us sort out the maze that living causes.  Alone time is imperative for mental wellness.



Learn time management.  There never seems to be enough time to do what needs to be accomplished.  So, the answer is to prioritize.  Make a list every night or every morning of what needs to be done.  Determine the three or four that absolutely must get accomplished.  That way at least the necessities will get done.  If time allows, you can do some of the other things too.  Accept the fact there will always be too much to do.  It will help you achieve inner peace.



Eat a nutritionally balanced diet.  You are what you eat and it affects how you feel, how you deal with stress, and how much you are able to enjoy living.  Treat your body with kindness.



Exercise.  Your body requires exercise in order to be able to function as it was intended.  Exercise helps relieve physical tension, anxiety, and promotes psychological wellness.



Work at something that reminds you that you are more than a spouse, parent, sibling, etc.  We all want to be appreciated for who we are as a person, without any labels.  Work gives us that opportunity.  It allows us to be judged by and valued for our skills and abilities, not by and for whom we married, gave birth to, or happened to be in the same family with.  That sense of individuality is necessary for our well-being.  If you don’t need to earn money, volunteer your time.



Improve your self-esteem.  Most people need to enhance their self-image.  You can do this by having a sense of connectedness.  We need to belong to something, someone, or somewhere.  It can be a social group, cause, place, family, etc.  You cannot have a positive self-image by yourself on an island.  What we believe about ourselves is in part determined by the reflections we see and get from others.  Where we are, who we are with, and why we are there influences how we feel about ourselves.  But, be sure to keep your uniqueness alive.  Don’t ever give up your uniqueness to belong.  There is no one on this earth who is identical to you and you should feel pride and joy in this.  There never has been, nor will there ever be, anyone who can contribute in the exact manner you can.  Revel in this fact and be sure to live it.  Make good choices for yourself.  Remember that your choices help determine your future.  Have models.  We all need models of people who are doing more than we are, who have excelled beyond where we are, and who represent where we want to be someday.  You don’t want to be those people, just what they have accomplished or who they are.  We need a vision of what can be.



Next week I‘ll give you the last six factors that can enhance psychological wellness.



Copyright 2011  Lynn Borenius Brown


OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com

Achieving Psychological Wellness, Part 1

Psychological wellness allows you the freedom to live your life as free of self-imposed barriers as possible.  There are 14 factors that promote the type of wellness that helps us not only make habit and attitude changes but also give us the unencumbered feeling we all strive to have.  The closer you come to fulfilling these, the less difficult it will be to keep striving for your goals.

The most important factor is risk-taking.  Take intellectual risks.  Expand your mind by exposing yourself to new ideas.  The saying, “A mind expanded by a new idea never returns to its original size” is appropriate.  The result of learning is growth and an improved self-esteem.  Take spiritual risks.  If you are not at peace spiritually, find it through yoga, meditation, changing religions, etc.  Being at peace with oneself makes everything else easier.  Take physical risks by engaging in a sport where mind and body must work together, where concentration is mandatory.  By participating in a sport that involves some risk, you’ll get in touch with your body.  Take emotional risks.  Risk allowing intimacy into your life.  It is not unusual to close emotional doors after being hurt by someone.  But doing so will inhibit your ability to be happy.  By risking getting close to others you’ll find that although humans are flawed, do not always show caring the way we’d like, and cannot fulfill all our needs, they certainly are a wonderful addition to our lives.

Build a support group.  Find others who are experiencing what you are or who have similar interests.  It is always comforting to know there are those who have “lived to tell.”  When you are with people who are going through the same thing you are and those who have already gone through it, you discover you aren’t alone, you aren’t different, and that you will make it.

Next week we’ll continue with more factors that can enhance psychological wellness.

Copyright 2011 Lynn Borenius Brown 


OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com

Stress, Part 3

Hope you chose to incorporate at least a few of the ideas represented last week to avoid stress in your life.

Now, let’s discuss reducing stress.  How can you reduce stress in your life?  Here are 14 important concepts that I hope you decide to think about and act on:

1.        Learn to accept what you cannot change.  Don’t waste your energy.

2.      Take one thing at a time.  That’s all you can do anyway.

3.      Be prepared to wait.  Bring something to read, play a game on your cell phone, close your eyes and relax, or people-watch (always an interesting experience).

4.      Relax your standards.  Everything doesn’t have to be perfect (feel free to refer to earlier postings on this subject).

5.      Get enough rest and sleep.  Lack of sleep lessens your ability to deal with stress.

6.      Balance work and play.  Schedule time for relaxation.  After all, the word “recreation” comes from re-create.

7.      Talk out your worries. Share them with someone you respect and trust.  Another person may help you see a different side to your problem and, therefore, a solution.

8.     Avoid self-medication.  Alcohol and food only mask symptoms of stress.

9.      Establish a serene place of your own.  Use it to have time when there are no demands placed on you.
10.  Blow off steam, physically.  Physical activity helps to reduce the tension your body absorbs.

11.   Do something for someone else.  Get your mind off yourself for a while.  It will change your perspective.

12.  Find humor in the situation.

13.  Get help with the jobs you hate.

14.  Give in one in a while.  It’s a good way to start the give-and-take process.

For an informal assessment of your stress level, go to my website (TheLovingPath.org) to take the “How Stress-Prone Are You” quiz.  You’ll find the link on the left side of the homepage.

Copyright 2011 Lynn Borenius Brown


OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com

Stress, Part 2

Hope this last week wasn't too stressful for you!  However, if it was, let’s talk about how you can avoid stress in your life.

Here is a list of 15 practical ideas to help you avoid being stressed in our fast-paced world:

Get up fifteen minutes earlier than you usually do.

Prepare for morning the night before by laying out your clothes, getting the coffee ready to brew, taking a shower, making your list of things to do the next day, etc.

Never wear ill-fitting clothing.  Wearing clothes that are too small don’t make you appear thinner.  Always dress neatly and comfortably.

Set appointments ahead of time.  Schedule regular appointments by setting up the next one while still at the current one.  This way you’ll never have to remember to call to make the next appointment.


Don’t rely on your memory.  Write down everything you need to remember and use the “notepad” function on your cell phone.

Practice preventive maintenance on yourself and your possessions.  This will reduce the amount of time and money spent on repairs.

Make duplicates of all keys.

Rearrange your work hours.

Practice in front of a mirror if necessary.

Use off hours for shopping and banking and do more of both online.

Rearrange mealtimes.

Keep an emergency supply of all necessities.

Make copies of all important documents and keep originals in a safe place.

Don’t tolerate anything that doesn’t work properly.

Allow extra time for everything.

This week, incorporate as many of these ideas as possible into your life.  You’ll find your stress level diminishing.

Copyright 2011 Lynn Borenius Brown


OnlineandTelephoneCounseling.com